_The Island Guy

Super Sunday #3

2012-03-11T23:26:00.003-10:00

Super Sunday is my way of sharing current happenings in my life or to express random/crazy thoughts that go on in my head.

---

I have recently met a guy named Justin. He's friendly, handsome, straight-acting, and one of those "nice guys" that are hard to come by.

Sunset at Ala Moana Beach Park

The first time we hanged out was on Wednesday. We walked around Ala Moana beach park as the sun was setting and got to know each other. Now that I look back on it, it was kind of romantic. I remember looking into the distance and thinking about how nice the sunset was. He walked me to the bus stop afterwards and we parted ways. He told me later that he had wanted to kiss me goodnight, but didn't because there had been people around.

Justin: Why was there so much people at that bus stop? I wanted to kiss you goodnight.

Me: It's okay. There's always next time :)

Then yesterday we had our "next time". We went for a long walk again and got to know each other a little more. We watched a movie, had dinner together, shared a kiss, and slow danced to a love song that I had downloaded on my phone.

Me: That is the first time I have ever danced with another guy (smiles)

Justin: Me too (smiles)

I'm looking forward to hanging out with him again soon.
He told me that he looks forward to hanging out again soon too.
Life is good. LOL.

What Makes A Man (Part 2)

2012-03-03T12:45:00.012-10:00

Before reading this post I suggest you read this previous post, What Makes A Man.

Read more about this picture here:
What Makes A Man

The city was once again alive.
People were crossing sidewalks, driving fancy cars, and wearing expensive business suits as they rushed to work and other places.

A young man was standing on the sidewalk, waiting for the bus to come. On the road next to him, cars waited impatiently for red lights to turn green and roared with excitement when the lights finally did. In the background somewhere, the young fella could faintly hear a love song playing.

The young man looked around and wondered where the music was coming from. He looked at the line of cars in front of him and realized that the music was coming from a truck. He peered into the truck and saw two masculine looking military men. They were smiling and enjoying each other's company. They looked as if they could be lovers, young and in love.

His imagination took over for a second and he began to see things...

The guy in the passenger seat leaned over and planted a light kiss on the cheek of the handsome driver, who in turn smiled and blushed from his lover's affection. The passenger continued to lean over and whispered something in the driver's ear. The confession of love caused the driver to smile once again. The driver turned his head toward the passenger and their lips met...

Then reality set in.
The traffic light turned green and the truck roared with life and sped away.

The young man would never know for sure, but he continued to harp on the thought of the two men being couple. The idea of two men being in love with each other appealed to him, although, he would never tell anyone this. He had always been the type to bottle his emotions and feelings inside. Sometimes he wished that he would be more open about himself, his wishes, his dreams, his sexuality...

The bus came shortly afterwards. The young man stepped onto the bus and made his way home.

---

Based on a true story.

Current page views: 31,399

Current followers: 150

Super Sunday #2

2012-02-26T22:27:00.006-10:00

Technically this should've been my 4th Super Sunday post but I decided to take down my 2nd one and I forgot to post the 3rd one. Anyways, cheers to Super Sunday!

It's getting late and I should be heading to bed soon but there was a picture that really had me feeling all gooey inside.

p.s. I do not own this picture
But it sure does put a smile on my face

Look at the way these two guys are embracing each other in public. I mean, could that really happen? I still have a hard time believing it and the proof is sitting right there in front of me.

Usually if something is too good to be true it probably is.
Well... I'm so glad that this isn't one of those times.

This picture kind of makes me look at the world differently now. The world feels safer and life seems brighter now. It's as if the world is full of superheroes and anything is possible.

Those two guys... they're my superheroes.

---

Sorry I was in a rush to go to bed last night.

Here's the original article: Marine Comes Home

Above: A pic of the homecoming of Brandon Morgan, of the United States Marines Corps, posted to the Gay Marines Facebook page yesterday. It's now got 1,000 comments and 800 shares.
The Marines involved are Morgan and Dalan Wells.
Thanks to Joe.My.God for forwarding it along. He's also found this statement, from Mr. Morgan's own Facebook page:

To everyone who has responded in a positive way. My partner and I want to say thank you. Dalan, the giant in the photo, can't believe how many shares and likes we have gotten on this. We didn't do this to get famous,or something like that we did this cause after 3 deployments and four years knowing each other, we finally told each other how we felt. As for the haters, let em hate...to quote Kat Williams, everyone needs haters, so let them hate. We are the happiest we have ever been and as for the whole PDA and kissing slash hugging in uniform...it was a homecoming, if the Sergeants Major, Captains, Majors, and Colonels around us didn't care...then why do you care what these random people have to say? In summation thank you for your love and support. I received a lot of friend requests off this. I don't just accept requests so if your request was because of this post message me and let me know. Goodnight all, and Semper Fi." --Brandon Morgan

Link to orginal article: Marine Comes Home

My Dad's Chicken Farm

2012-02-24T08:34:00.015-10:00

This happened around November of last year. There were periods of time during the school semester where I would be kept busy. Sometimes I would leave early in the morning for school before the sunrise and then come home late from school, after the sun had already set and when it was dark. This happened at the end of one of those days...

---

I was tired.
My youthful energy had been replaced with exhaustion and my spirit felt diminished. It was yet another day of me coming home late from school and it was already dark outside.

Awe, that's too bad, I thought. I really wanted to see how the chicken house was doing. My dad had always loved farming, hiking, fishing and outdoor activites of that sort and his newest project had been to build a chicken house.

"Did you finish the chicken house?" I wearily asked my dad.

"Yeah, you should see it..."

My dad proceeded to describe how great the chicken house had turned out and how much the chickens enjoyed their new living area. I was glad to know that it had turned out well; after all, I had helped my dad build the chicken farm. My dad must have known how much I wanted to see it, because he was playfully rubbing it in my face.

I was slightly annoyed and decided to do something around the house and get my mind off of the chicken house.

---

Fifteen minutes later...

"Here's a flashlight. Go check it out."

My dad handed me the flashlight. I was surprised by how thoughtful my dad was being. I stood up and I proceeded to the backyard to go look at the chicken house.

My dad... sometimes I find him annoying and sometimes I love him.
At this moment, it was the later.

Current Page Views: 30,492
Current Followers: 145

The Cute Running Guy

2012-02-20T21:21:00.073-10:00

On Saturday my cousin, my older brother, and I went on a morning run together. After we were done running and our clothes were soaked with sweat, we grabbed breakfast and made our way to the Blaisdell center (that's where we had to pick up our racing packets for the Great Aloha Run). We each took a seat on a concrete wall next to the sidewalk and ate our breakfast.

On the other side of the street, we saw children running around block; it was a children's fun run. After finishing our breakfast, we crossed the street toward the Blaisdell center and that's when I saw the cute guy...

---

To the cute guy I saw running on Saturday,

You were incredibly cute. I mean, how else can I put it? You had a charming smile and looked incredibly handsome with that clean-cut haircut. You were young, lean, tall, and in shape. I couldn't help but stare.

I still can't get you out of my head.

But what really caught my eye was how you were cheering on your little kid as he was running in the children's fun run. You were running next to him and cheering him on. You're an awesome dad, the kind of dad I wanna be someday.

You're probably not gay, but if you are... wow. The guy that gets to sleep next to you at night is the luckiest guy in the world.

Sincerely,
Justy

Current page views: 30,159

Current followers: 146

Super Sunday #1

2012-02-05T23:10:00.012-10:00

I've been meaning to post more often but I find myself swamped with school work. I do care about this blog a lot though so I'm going to start writing journal entries every Sunday...

every Super Sunday : )

Before I had my haircut
Taken January 17, 2012

I cut my hair yesterday and now my hair is super short. Even my family is calling me bald. It's kind of funny how my family seems to come together and bond as they jokingly tease my haircut. It's fun having them tease my haircut. It becomes a contest of who can come up with the funniest joke.

At least there's good news: My hair grows fast. In about two weeks my head will have a nice carpet of hair again. As of now I'm embracing the refreshing change of having a semi-bald head.

Prostitute

2011-12-20T19:19:00.018-10:00

He was a prostitute.

Shh, it is his little secret

A secret not to be proud of

He would never want his family to know

And neither his friends

But it's the truth

As ugly as it is

He was a prostitute.

The old man paid generously

To have his way with the young man's body

Because the young soul was blinded by the dollars

That would fill his pockets afterwards

He was a prostitute.

Then came a day

When the old man decided something

That he couldn't do it anymore

That it was wrong

Ugly and gross

And paid the young man one last time

Before they parted ways

I was the prostitute.

As I walked away from the old man's car that day

And back to school

The better half of me
The half that I should listen to more often
Felt relieved and thankful that it was over

I was a prostitute

But not anymore.

---

I should have known better... I shouldn't have been blinded by the money. The reason why I haven't been posting as much is because I have been screwing up- and making a lot of mistakes lately.

Anyways, I never said that I was perfect. I look forward to getting back on track and taking better care of myself. Happy hollidays everyone.

Current page views: 21,859

Current followers: 140

Fan Mail

2011-11-18T08:17:00.001-10:00

This morning I checked my email and I found a fan mail in my inbox.

It made me smile and now I feel inspired to add a "Fan Mail" link to my navigation bar.

Enjoy.

---

Justy, just ran into your blog, very cool. I see you have a lot of love already happening, it was comforting reading about you and how open and honest you are~ I feel like I'm not the only one on this crazy island with similar thoughts and feelings when it comes to being gay. I applaud you on your work and grateful- quite an inspiration =) I am considering doing a blog myself. Love lots, thanks a lot, take care =)

~n8

p.s. I'll add more fan mail to this post in the future.

Me

2011-11-06T15:07:00.002-10:00

Here's a random pic of me.

My sister gave me this haircut a year ago.

I thought I'd do something different and try it out.

I kinda miss it haha.

August 17, 2010

Current page views: 16,842
Current followers: 136

A Caring Dad

2011-10-29T06:33:00.007-10:00

During engineering class yesterday, I noticed a young boy - maybe around seven years old - sitting in the front row of the auditorium. I wondered to myself: Why is there a boy sitting there?

Then I realized that it must be my professor's son.

Toward the end of the lecture, my professor told his son to stand up in front of all the students and help him with a teaching demonstration. During the demonstration, my professor's face was painted with a goofy smile that displayed his immense happiness of having his little kid around.

There was something magical about watching my professor acting fatherly in the classroom.

I remember my first impression of him on the first day of school: strict and too serious. Over time, however, that impression of him broke down and a new impression of him developed. He started to become more of a father-figure and more of someone I could look up to. He even became handsome...

Oh gosh, I never thought I'd say that.

During the demonstration, I looked around at the other students' faces and they too were smiling. The mood of the classroom at this instant felt different. It felt more friendly, more comfortable. It exuded a feeling of being at home with loved ones.

It was a feeling that everyone in the world should experience.

---

As I sit here typing this out on my laptop, I wonder to myself: Will I ever be a father? If so, would I be a good one?

I envy my professor not because I don't have that relationship with my dad but because I question if I'll be a good dad to my children someday...

How do children cope with having gay parents?
With having no mom or no dad?
Will they fare well with other children teasing them for having gay parents?
Or is it something that they'll be willing to lie about to keep it a secret?
Will they come to secretly despise having gay parents?
Will other people question the safety of a young boy in the hands of two gay men?

Although I'd love to be a dad someday, I don't want to have children if I'm not ready to handle all the challenges that gay parents face. That would be a huge mess...

Because it's an uphill battle.

Current page views: 15,624
Current followers: 133

An Outstanding Teacher

2011-10-18T21:34:00.025-10:00

Seven years ago I was a sophomore in high school. I was an awkward, shy, and quiet student (in some ways I still am) and very uncomfortable with the idea of other people finding out that I was gay.

This is what happened seven years ago during my sophomore year in high school...

"I don't like gay guys. All they care about is sex..."

As I sat in my U.S. history class - waiting for class to begin - I could overhear my teacher's part of the conversation between her and a fellow student.

"I wholeheartedly agree. I like lesbians too. At least they care about love and not just about the sex."

I was offended by the things she was saying but I sat there in silence and kept my feelings hidden. I couldn't let anyone see that I was offended; that would be a huge signal that I was gay and I wasn't ready to come out of the closet.

I thought to myself that it would be nice to prove her wrong and show the world that gay guys don't just care about sex.

---

This happened two days ago while I was in the living room with my older brother.

I sat comfortably in front of the television when a commercial came on.

I've seen these commercials many times before; another local high school teacher was being acknowledged for being an outstanding teacher.

Lo and behold,
it was my old U.S. history teacher.

"That's my old history teacher from high school," I told my older brother. I didn't exactly sound enthusiastic and my older brother immediately noticed.

"Something wrong? You don't like her?"

"Nope... I don't like her..."

As I watched the commercial, I saw someone who believed that gay guys only care about sex. Suddenly I hated the fact that I was promiscuous just a few months ago.

Current blog views: 14,471
Current followers: 130

"The Island Guy" Art

2011-10-01T12:47:00.012-10:00

January 8, 2008

Do you love me?
More than you could ever know.

"Nice Guys"
December 21, 2007

I drew this from a picture of the Wong Fu Productions' members: Phil, Wes, and Ted.
I was in full admiration of their friendship; it's something that anyone would want.

"The Sketch Of A Tree"
July 18, 2011

A little sketch I made one day... read about it here.

"What Makes A Man"
March 27, 2009

My friend drew this.
Read about it here.

"The Sketch Of Another Tree"
August 8, 2011

Read about this sketch here.

"M&M Graduation"
June 2007

Read about this drawing here.

Updates coming soon...

Hiking Up Memories

2011-09-25T22:26:00.014-10:00

Taken the last time we went hiking.
March 31, 2007

About three months ago, I was doing some summer cleaning when I came across a paper: an old college assignment.

During my freshmen year of college, I had to write about a family tradition for my English 100 class. I thought it would be awesome to write about hiking with my family. After pondering over why I loved hiking with my famiy, I wrote something simple yet meaningful:

Hiking Up Memories

Written on January 29, 2008

_______________________________________________________________

I will always remember going on long hikes with my family. I was in the first grade when we first discovered the hiking trail on Schofield near Kolekole Pass. Since then, we have climbed to the top countless times. I have probably hiked up that trail more than the number of times I have done my own laundry.

There are many things that make hiking a family activity that I will always remember. Racing my older brother to the top, enjoying snacks with my family, and making sure wild pigs don't attack us are some of them. Most importantly, it helps bring me closer to my family. Reaching the top is something we accomplish together.

Reaching the top is always the best part of the hike. Butterflies and dragonflies flutter about and the clouds roll along in the blue sky above. All around, the bushes and wild grass swing side to side with the calm breeze. Looking down one side of the mountain you see the town of Wahiawa and the pineapple fields. On the other side, you can see the beach and the ocean. I feel like the king of the world up there; yet at the same time, it is humbling to see how small you are compared to everything else.

Once when we went hiking, my aunt Remy followed along. She brought along a video camcorder and recorded us hiking to the top. I remember thinking to myself that I will probably watch that video someday and laugh at myself.

I was right.

When I look back and watch the video, it makes me laugh to see how silly me and my siblings were as we hiked up the mountain that day. I hope that my future is filled with fun adventures, just like when I go hiking with my family.

_______________________________________________________________

My little brother walked into my room and saw the paper on my bed. He asked if he could read it. I said sure and he eagerly grabbed the paper and went into the living room. I heard my little brother, sister, and my dad laughing as they read my paper.

A few weeks later, my sister read the paper again. I could see the smile on her face as she read it. She told me afterwards that she enjoys reading it.

I know why. It's the same reason why I enjoy reading it: We had fun going on those family hikes.

I miss going hiking up there. The last time I went hiking there was when I about to graduate from high school (around the time that I came out to my dad). I have a feeling that we'll be going hiking up there sometime soon. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Me dancing while eating a corndog.
I look so silly haha.
Taken from the video that my aunt Remy took.

P.S. This is the same hike that I mentioned in A Memorable Graduation.

Current blog views: 11,678

Current followers: 126

I'm HIV Positive

2011-08-16T23:58:00.111-10:00

I'm in shock right now.
My hope is that everyone who reads this learns to appreciate life a little more.

---

"I'm HIV positive."

That's what I told myself on Thursday night. I didn't know for sure but I had a gut feeling. I tried not to jump to conclusions as I browsed the internet of find out what the early symptoms of HIV are. I usually have a positive outlook on things; however, the situation did not look good for me.

I had many of the early symptoms of HIV. My entire body was feeling weak and I had been sneezing a lot. My mouth was feeling pain from a canker sore and I had what looked like mouth thrush. I have also lost a lot of weight since the beginning of summer. All of this was happening just four months after having my last unprotected "experience". It had to be HIV.

I cried myself to sleep that night.

The next day I attempted to get tested for HIV. However, the health clinic sent me home early; they wouldn't have time to test me before closing time. They told me to come back next week. I left the clinic feeling miserable.

In the following days, I reflected on my situation:

What will I do with myself if I am HIV positive?
Will I be miserable?
No, it might be hard but I don't want to give up my life.
I'm stronger than that.

Should I tell my family?
No, I would never do that.
I'll keep it to myself.
I don't want them to worry about me.

How long will I live?
I don't know, but I'll try to live as long as I can.
I want to live to see a cure for HIV.
I really do believe it's going to happen within my lifetime.

Finally I returned to the health clinic to get tested. I arrived early to secure an appointment. Fifteen minutes was all it took to find out if I was HIV positive.

Sometimes things don't turn out how you want them to
And I cried myself to sleep again that night.

---

Despite any tears of sadness that I might shed from now on
I refuse to give up on life.
Sickness can take away my body
But I will never give up my heart and soul.

Things happen for a reason.
The best thing that I can do now is to move forward
And forgive myself for the mistakes I've made.

I might not live as long as I would like to
But just being alive right now
Is something to be thankful for.

Like I've said before
I want to overcome obstacles,
Break through barriers,
And come out a hero.

I no longer have room for negativity in my life.
There must be worser things in the world
Than living with HIV.

Now I can learn to cherish everyday that is given to me.
I'll cherish the time I have to spend with friends and family.
I'll cherish waking up in the morning and seeing the sunrise.

Living with HIV
Doesn't have to be the end of the world.
It can be a new beginning.

I see this as an opportunity
To teach others to not make the same mistake that I've made
And to forgive themselves if they do.

This is pretty much all I wanted to say

But before I end this post...

There's just one more thing...

I have to tell you.

I am shocked to tell you this...

Because I couldn't believe it myself.

I am HIV negative.

Current blog views: 6,336

Current followers: 116

The Sketch of Another Tree

2011-08-09T01:55:00.045-10:00

I'm feeling the sleepiness setting in but I want to post this before going to bed.

As a result, I am here on my laptop and drinking hot cocoa again (just like this).
Mmmm.

I feel the same way as the yellow M&M.
But before I go to bed, here is the story of what happened...

I was surprised earlier when my mom told me that she's leaving in a few hours to fly to the Philippines. She said she'll be there for thirty days. I was a little taken back; I knew that she likes to go on vacations, but I had no clue that she would be leaving for one so soon. I'm pretty sure she hasn't told anyone else in the family.

After she told me this, I helped her tape up the cardboard box that she'll be taking with her on her trip. After we were done taping it up, she said she was going to go to bed and she left the living room.

I stared at the box.

I was thinking about how I hope my mom has a safe trip and also about how plain the box looked. I took a marker from my art supply box and began to make a sketch on her box. I remembered how special the drawing from The Sketch of a Tree was to me so I drew a tree again. It took me about three minutes to complete and I felt better afterwards.

Now my mom's box didn't look so plain.

My younger brother walked into the living room a couple minutes later and saw the box. He must have realized that mom was going on another one of her spontaneous vacations. Then he saw the sketch.

"Did you draw that?"

I told him yes.

"I like it. It's really nice."

I couldn't help but smile. Not only was I ecstatic to suddenly not feel annoyed by him - as I had been for the whole day - but I had also been thinking the same thing.

My mom's going to love seeing that sketch on her box.

The sketch I made on my mom's cardboard box.

Current blog views: 5567
Current followers: 112

A Memorable Graduation

2011-08-06T00:04:00.011-10:00

At the end of my sophomore year in high school, I was inspired by a graduation speech made by a young lady. She must have been one of the valedictorians. I never cared much for the valedictorians speeches before, but this speech left me speechless.

I've never seen a graduation quite like this one. I'll never forget it...

---

A picture I took that day
Friday June 3, 2005

---

My cousin Roel and I were enjoying the view as we sat on the stands at the school's outdoor stadium.

Thousands of family members and friends surrounded the handsomely green field on which the graduates were seated on. In their hands, they held cameras, flower leis, posters, and colorful balloons... everything they needed to help celebrate this moment.

Beyond the green field and the school buildings, I could see the houses of the town and the mountains in the far distance. I could even see the mountain where my dad would take me and my siblings hiking as kids.

Soothing melodies filled the air as the school band orchestrated the celebration music. I thought about my younger brother, who was playing with them. My cousin Roel and I wished that he was sitting next to us - the three of us called ourselves "The Three Musketeers" - but we also admired my younger brother's love for the band and his well-polished clarient.

Once in a while a balloon would escape its owner's hand and fly eagerly up towards the clouds.  I would point at it and the two of us would lightheartedly giggle at the balloon owner's misfortune.

The day was transforming into night as the sunset colors took over the sky.

I looked down at the high school graduates, who were organized neatly in rows. They proudly wore magical-looking green robes and had exclusive graduation caps atop their heads.  They were young, brave soldiers uncertain about the future yet determined to step into it.

Four graduates stood up from their seats and headed over to the microphone stand; they must have been the valedictorians.   I could tell they were all girls; their gowns were shorter and they each had long hair and wore brightly white sandals.

I have never cared much for valedictorian speeches but I payed attention anyways as they began to speak. Humor filled the first girl's speech and I felt the crowd rumble with laughter. Nervousness filled the second girl's speech and she became earthquake-shaky in her delivery. The third girl took the stand and I anxiously waited to see how she would do.

Would she be nervous, especially after hearing how nervous the second girl was?

The third girl began to speak and - whoa! - her voice instantly demanded the attention from everyone in the stadium. Her words flowed into the crowd with a power that would make anyone stop and listen. Her speech grabbed my attention, touched my heart, and took my breath away. I looked my cousin in the eyes and smiled. He smiled back at me. He must have been thinking the same thing that I was thinking.

"Wow, she's amazing."

I listened carefully as the third girl concluded her speech.

Then I smiled and thought to myself...

"I'm proud of you sister."

---

My sister was one of the valedictorians at her high school graduation.
I never cared much for the valedictorian speeches before but this one...

This one was special. Now I always look forward to hearing the valedictorian speeches when I attend commencement ceremonies.

I was so inspired by my sister that I drew this picture and gave it to her. My dad helped me and used oil pastels to draw the mountains and the sunset. I used the M&M characters as the graduates, because my sister's favorite candy is M&Ms.

This is still one of my favorite drawings, because it always reminds me of that special day.

"M&M Graduation
Colored pencil and oil pastels on paper
June 2005

Current blog views: 5,183

Current followers: 109

"The Island Guy" Photography

2011-08-02T23:25:00.018-10:00

My awkward pose LOL
Taken on the day I posted this post
August 2, 2011

1 2 3 4 5 6
78

1. Shave ice is from a place where my dad would often bring me and my siblings to when we were young kids. (Read more about this picture here)
June 17, 2007

2. A way of having a more positive outlook on life.
September 25, 2010

3. June 22, 2010

4. The beach where my dad loves to go fishing. (Click here for more pictures taken at this beach)
May 19, 2010

5. August 5, 2009

6. August 2, 2011

7. The picture I used to make the banner for this blog.
September 25, 2010

8. Pu'u Kalena Hike. This is where my dad would take me and my siblings hiking when we were kids. Read more about that here.
March 31, 2007

More to come in the future...

A Secret Letter

2011-07-29T12:17:00.051-10:00

This is a letter that I'm writing to my sister-in-law. She doesn't know about it and I won't show it to her until many years have passed. I'll show it to her one day when she needs a smile the most.

My lovely sister-in-law
Taken on the day me and my dad got into the fight
Before we even knew there would be a fight
June 17, 2007

Dear sister-in-law,

Do you remember when we first met? I was a junior in high school.
I was so young, always learning, and imperfect as can be.

My younger brother and I had finished school for the day and my older brother was picking us up. The car pulled up next to us and there you sat in the passenger seat.

We giggled at the sight of you
Because it looked like you could barely fit.
Because we were cruel.
Because we were still so young and learning.

We tried to calm ourselves down - before you could notice - as we got into the car. I had a bag of delicious cookies that I had been eating but I stopped eating them; the sight of your fat arms made me sick and I was ready to throw up.

This is when we first met. Do you remember?

Then you moved in with us a couple weeks later. I noticed that you were somewhat lazy and didn't help much around the house. You constantly picked fights with my older brother when he didn't do things your way. You also smoked cigarettes regularly even though you had asthma, diabetes, and morbid obesity. I tried to look past your flaws, because I wanted to believe that you were more than what you appeared to be. A year passed and I was still searching for something that would prove to the world that you're not such a bad person.

Then the fight happened. Do you remember?

It happened a couple weeks after I came out to my dad. The three of us - me, you, and my dad - were headed home from the beach. My dad was criticizing my driving skills and ettiquete. He said I was a rude person. I had no idea why he was so angry at me and I told him I was trying my best. Out of nowhere he started yelling at me about how being gay is wrong. I quickly realized that the real reason behind his anger was because he was upset about me being gay. His anger continued to escalate and he hit me while I was driving.

Do you remember? You said you were scared. I was too.

We arrived home and my siblings saw the tears in my eyes.
They were silent and let me have my peace.

But you...

You became my hero that day when you came to my side.
You asked if I was okay and gave me comfort.

I have wholeheartedly forgiven my dad.
And I can forget about what he did that day.
But I will never forget about what you did that day.

It is one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me.

After that day we became very close friends and side-by-side we slowly learned to become better people from each other. I've watched you morph into a more positive person. You've become more warm and more kind to others.

You have helped me learn that I need to be more accepting of other people if I want them to be accepting of who I am. I know people give you nasty looks for being overweight. Do you remember when we were eating at Jack-In-The-Box and those people kept staring at you? At times like those, I'll gladly be by your side to comfort you.

I can't wait to have our next chocolate milk party.

Sincerely, Justy

Another picture we took on that day
Damn that shave ice tasted good

p.s. The two of us enjoyed throwing what we call "chocolate milk parties". They usually happened late at night when everyone else was sleeping. The two of us would drink as much chocolate milk as we wanted. We would bang our mugs together and toast and laugh about how silly we were being. Sometimes we would have cookies too.

She's in Texas right now with my older brother (he's stationed there for the army) so we haven't had a chocolate milk party in a while. It's been about four months since I've seen her.

Current pageviews: 4108

Current followers: 97

The Drowning Feeling

2011-07-26T23:25:00.037-10:00

Most of the time my dad and I get along just fine - I'm the closest to him out of all my siblings - but every so often he drowns me in his disapproval of homosexuality. At times like those I feel like I'm not good enough to be his son. This poem is about that drowning feeling that I was reminded of when he recently expressed overwhelming anger over something I had done.

August 28, 2010

The fury engulfing thy face
They haunt thee to no end

Enraged with poise to kill

With power unwilling to bend

Fright exists in peril and danger
Situation fills with madness

Where lies thy heart

When thou stab thee into sadness

Imperfection embedded in thee
Yet perfection is what thou seeks

Acceptance is the word

Yet criticism fills thy cheeks

Exhaustively swimming in defeat

As thy anger boils over

Homosexuality sinks thee deep

As thy hate takes thee under

---

The fury engulfing your face

They haunt me to no end

Enraged with poise to kill

With power unwilling to bend

Fright exists in peril and danger
Situation fills with madness

Where lies your heart

When you stab me into sadness

Imperfection embedded in me
Yet perfection is what you seek

Acceptance is the word

Yet criticism fills your cheeks

Exhaustively swimming in defeat

As your anger boils over

Homosexuality sinks me deep

As your hate takes me under

p.s. These "Feeling" posts are meant to show people what it feels like sometimes to be gay. I'm sure there are millions out there who can relate to these posts and others who can learn from them.

Other "Feeling" posts include:
The Uneasy Feeling

Current blog views: 3750
Current followers: 94

Jordan Bites and The Hole of Empty Feelings

2011-07-25T01:39:00.044-10:00

After the much-welcomed response to my narrative The Giant Wave, I have decided to dive into a world of fiction and launch a series of children stories about a kid explorer named Jordan Bites. The energetic, bright Jordan Bites enjoys going on adventures where he overcomes obstacles, breaks through barriers, and comes out a hero... just in time to make it home for dinner! Each Jordan Bites story will be loosely inspired by events that have happened to me in real life and become metaphors for the trials and tribulations of my life.

I now present to you the story of Jordan Bites and the Hole of Empty Feelings.

Jordan Bites walking through the meadow
Colored pencil on paper
July 24, 2011

---

Jordan Bites was venturing through a vast, bright-green meadow.

This land was foreign to the young fella; he's never wandered so far from home. He was mildly afraid of the rare mini-monsters that roamed the far reaches of the wilderness, but he was a bravely-curious kid and ready for new experiences.

It was the perfect summer's day. The luscious grass swayed side to side with the calm, relaxing breeze. Yellow butterflies luminescently danced in the air as the sunlight majestically beamed down from the light-blue sky above. Jordan closed his eyes for a moment to feel the sunlight's warmth on his face.

He was innocently unaware of what was about to happen.

Without warning, Jordan's foot struck an ancient, well-preserved log that had occupied this space for centuries and he began to violently topple over. Instinctively, Jordan braced himself for the impact. For a split second he felt the green, luscious grass as it gently and lightly brushed against his skin. Jordan wholeheartedly expected to slam into the hard ground beneath the grass but instead he felt...

Empty air?

A giant hole had been hidden by the overgrown grass and Jordan was quickly slipping into it. He tried grabbing at the grass - it was his last hope - but the soft grass quickly uprooted and he hopelessly fell into the hole.

"AHHHHH!" yelled Jordan.

Gravity seized control of the young man's body and he was falling into the unknown, going deeper and deeper until...

Plop!

Jordan had landed on some kind of... bed? Jordan felt it with his fingers. He instantly knew what it was as it gently tangled around his fingers; it was dead grass. They still felt soft, just like the ones he had felt in the meadow. Maybe they were enchanted with a spell of some kind. The thought quickly drifted from Jordan's mind as reality set in.

A sinister darkness was surrounding him.

Jordan's heart began to pound rapidly. A wave of air rushed over his skin and he suddenly felt cold. Above him - about twenty feet up - he could slightly make out the hole that he had fallen through. The meadow's overgrown grass was covering most of the hole and a very weak beam of light was meekly penetrating into the darkness.

"HELP!" yelled Jordan.

After a minute of yelling profusely, he gave up. It was pointless; he was audible to no one. Everything in the darkness fell to silence.

Jordan suddenly felt very lonely.  He was usually okay with being alone - he was a lone wolf by heart - but this loneliness frightened him. He took a seat on the soft grass as his eyes began to water.  He had fallen into a deep hole and saw no path to freedom. He was a hostage, a young soldier locked away and held captive in an underground dungeon.

Jordan thought about what would become of him as he wiped the tears from his eyes. He was scared; mini-monsters could be living here. Jordan shivered as he felt another wave of air rush over his skin.

"That's strange," he thought. Jordan looked up at the hole again; it was still covered by grass. So where was the wind coming from? Jordan thought about this for a second when it occured to him that...

There must be another opening somewhere!

Jordan sprang to his feet. A wave of hope began coursing through his body. He waited patiently for the next rush of air. After a few seconds it came and tickled him.

Brr.  It felt cold.

The wind had playfully poked Jordan on the left side of his body.  He turned to the left and began to carefully march forward. Jordan stopped after a few steps to concentrate on the breeze again.  Maybe - with fingers crossed - the wind will lead him to a way out. It was worth the try.

Jordan blindly and cautiously navigated through the darkness using the direction of the breeze. After a few steps he could no longer feel the soft, dead grass beneath his feet. He kept his arms extended in front of him in fear of bumping his head into something, but there was nothing there to feel. It was as if the only thing that existed here were darkness.

Jordan wished this empty feeling would disappear.

It was strange, but he swore that he could hear the wind whispering in his ear. It was speaking to him and saying, "Follow me. I know the way out."  Jordan wondered that maybe it was common for people to fall into this dark hole. Maybe the wind was enchanted to help lead the estray back into the light.

The determined boy continued to stumble through the dark for what seemed like hours. Jordan was now feeling increasingly thirsty, and he was beginning to hallucinate about white dancing doves ahead of him. The dreadful darkness felt everlasting, but Jordan continued to hope that freedom was waiting to embrace him just around the corner.

Wait!  Was that light far-off in the distance?

Jordan began sprinting toward it. He thought he had been hallucinating. Was this it? Was he finally going to escape the darkness? The source of light was inching closer and closer until finally...

Jordan broke through a small opening on a hillside and stood there, panting and out of breath.  He was standing in another meadow. The sunlight was majestically beaming down from the sky above and Jordan could feel its warmth on his face once again. He felt the cool, relaxing breeze lightly touch his skin as it spoke to him one last time.

"Congratulations, you're free."

Jordan broke into a sprint; it was a sprint of happiness.
He couldn't wait to get back home.

---

I hope you guys enjoyed the story.
It was inspired by my fall to promiscuity and my escape from it (read more about that here).

Playful way of depicting the promiscuous person I saw in myself
Original photo (before the edit) taken on April 4, 2011

A year and a half ago I became an overly promiscuous person. I don't want to dive into the things I did; I did things I thought I would never do.

Just like Jordan Bites, I had wandered off. I had fallen into a deep hole and couldn't see a way out. The sunlight - my hope - barely reached into that hole. I was lost, but my heart (in the story, the wind) showed me that there was a way out. Looking back now, I'm glad I decided to fight for a way out of the darkness just like the way Jordan Bites did in the story. The last time I did "something" was about two months ago and now I feel as if I am joyously sprinting away from the darkness.

Most importantly, I hope you guys enjoyed the story. I thought of the name "Jordan Bites" one day and thought it would be neat to use it in some sort of children's story. Making up the first Jordan Bites adventure was fun and the story turned out better than I thought it would. I look forward to sharing another Jordan Bites story with you guys in the future.

Current blog views: 3,394

Current followers: 91

Tell Me Something

2011-07-22T23:23:00.014-10:00

What pops into your mind when you see this picture of me?

[ enter silly caption here ]
Taken on April 4, 2011

I welcome with open arms all jokes, comments, silly caption ideas, and anything else you guys have to dish out. Be as crazy creative as your heart desires.

I promise that this is closely related to the next post I have planned.

You'll understand after you read my next post.

"The Island Guy" Timeline

2011-07-21T10:08:00.172-10:00

This is a timeline

A record of my posts

Organized according to when each story

Happened in my life

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

This blog is sort of like my journal now. This timeline consists of all my posts that are currently posted on my blog (I've deleted a few that still show on the dashboard). This list will makes it easier to keep things organized.
The first link in this timeline will link to the post that stems from the earliest memory.
The last link in this timeline will link to the post that stems from my most recent experience.

The red links are my personal favorites... the ones that really make me smile.
The five links with asterisk symbols (*) next to them are my five most recent posts. The more asterisk symbols next to them, the more recent they are.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Childhood

- Hiking Up Memories
- The Giant Wave

High School

- An Outstanding Teacher
- A Memorable Graduation
- The Uneasy Feeling
- Coming Out to My Dad

- A Secret Letter

College

- What Makes A Man

- Stars And Starfishes
- A Lighthearted Poem
- Promiscuous Me

- Jordan Bites and the Hole of Empty Feelings

2011

- The Sketch of a Tree
- The Drowning Feeling
- The Sketch of Another Tree

- I'm HIV Positive

- Prostitutue **
- My Dad's Chicken Farm ****

- A Caring Dad

2012

- What Makes A Man (Part 2) *****
- The Cute Running Guy ***

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Other

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Navigation Posts
- "The Island Guy" Art
- "The Island Guy" Fan Mail *
- "The Island Guy" Photography
- "The Island Guy" Timeline

Posts That I Update

- White-Sand Beach

Blog Milestones

- Pictures Are Worth A Thousand Words

- Welcome Welcome Welcome!

Random

- Tell Me Something
- Me

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The Sketch of a Tree

2011-07-19T05:17:00.027-10:00

I was about to go to sleep, but something just happened that made me smile.
As a result, I am here on my laptop writing about it
and drinking hot cocoa with marshmallows. Mmmm.

I really want to post this before going to bed.
Here's what happened...

Earlier yesterday I saw my younger brother's white board lying around.  Written on it were a couple of words that nearly took up all the space.  I saw - however - that there was just enough space in the upper right-hand corner for me to make a quick sketch. In less than two minutes I had sketched a tree.

I stared at it for a while.  "Not bad for a sketch," I thought to myself. I left the white board lying around and forgot all about it.

Throughout the rest of the day, my younger brother dished out a couple mildly-mean remarks at me. He does that sometimes. Apparently I'm a fat person, lazy and ugly, etc.  Maybe he just enjoys kidding around and means nothing by his criticisms, but it is difficult to tell sometimes. It bothers me, because I want him to look up to me, not look down on me.

I was just about to go to sleep when I saw the white board next to my younger brother's bed. He had erased everything on it...

Except for my sketch.

A smile spread across my face when I saw that. I quickly found my camera and snapped a picture of it. This sketch is worth remembering.

Maybe my little brother looks up to me after all.

The little sketch I made on my younger brother's white board.

Current blog views: 1881
Current followers: 85

White-Sand Beach

2011-07-16T16:30:00.030-10:00

Here's a collecton of pictures that I've taken over the years at the same beach where me and my family built the wall of sand (read my previous post The Giant Wave).

I'll add more pictures to this post as I take more pictures at this beach.
It's one of my favorite places to take photos : )

In the far distance - about 200 meters from where I am - is where we built the wall of sand.

Current blog views: 1547

Current followers: 81

The Giant Wave

2011-07-14T15:09:00.025-10:00

My dad is a veteran fisherman and enjoys going on day-long fishing trips to his favorite beaches. When me and my siblings were kids - I have an older brother, an older sister, and a younger brother - he would often bring us along.   These fishing trips were simply fun.  No stress involved. Just pack a cooler full of snacks and drinks and we were good to go. This is the story of what happened at the beach one day...

Our troubles were melting away.

My dad was leisurely fishing on the beach as us kids played to our hearts' content.  The four of us ran lightly through the sand, carefree and wild with jubilation.  We had conquered the deserted stretch of beach and we ruled the land.

The waves were particularly strong on this day. They roared and taunted us, daring us to get a little wet and a little messy.  We graciously accepted the challenge and began to build a wall of sand near the water's edge. Our wish was to shut out the waves, hold them hostage in the sea, and prevent them from reaching beyond our barricade.

The waves, however, were enraged by our intentions and refused to be held by prison walls. They began to unleash unforgiving power on to our wall. The water boiled in the ocean, shot like fireballs onto the shore, and hurdled into our blockade. We felt the ground shaking beneath our feet. I used to be scared of the waters at times like these; they looked ready to eat me alive.

The four of us became comrades in this battle against the sea. We frantically assembled a much-needed defense. My older brother and I vigorously threw sand into heaping piles. My sister and younger brother swiftly patted down the sand and shaped the blockade into a solid, shielding C-shape. We had to hurry; the tide was quickly rising.

The waves had rapidly evolved into ghastly, terrorizing monsters. They lurked in the sea before rushing forward to swallow our wall. The waves devoured chunks at a time and greedily came back to gobble more.  The blockade was hopelessly falling victim to the brutality.

My siblings and I were struggling to keep the wall up.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw my dad walking toward us, carrying his fishing gear and smiling. I thought he would laugh at us and keep walking in search of fish. Suddenly - to our shock and delight! - my dad abandoned his fishing gear, ran over, and started to help us build the wall.

A smile spread across my face.

The five of us did our best to keep the wall up, but eventually a giant wave came and demolished the whole thing. Our clothes were soaked with water and covered with sand. The battle had been fun and entertaining though and we laughed like hyenas afterwards. The five of us had lost the fight, but we had each other and that was all that seemed to matter in the world.

"C'mon guys! Let's go home," my dad said with a smile.
Together we headed home as the sleepy sun began to set.

Current blog views: 1331
Current followers: 71

Pictures Are Worth A Thousand Words

2011-07-12T02:02:00.009-10:00

One small step for this blog:

Acquiring a thousand views!

Check it out : )

Stars and Starfishes

2011-07-10T22:53:00.047-10:00

Two days ago, I had taken and edited the picture below. My plan: simply post the picture of me sitting down and staring at the star - yes, the smiling one - and see what people thought of it haha. I thought it would be fun.

After editing the picture, I was sitting down and staring at the star. Suddenly I remembered a particular story about a starfish. Just a little over a year ago, I had read a book - "The Power in You" by Wally Amos - which contained a short story about a starfish. After reading the story, I rushed to go write it down in my journal.

I opened my journal today - it's been a while since I've done that - and reread the story. Just like when I read it the first time a year ago, the story made me smile. I hope it makes you smile too.

 "The Starfish"

Author Unknown

As the old man walked down a Spanish beach at dawn, he saw ahead of him what he thought to be a dancer. The young man was running across the sand rhythmically bending down to pick up a stranded starfish and throw it far into the sea. The old man gazed in wonder as the young soul again and again threw the small starfish from the sand to the water. The old man approached him and asked why he spent so much energy doing what seemed a waste of time. The young man explained that the stranded starfish would die if left until the morning sun.

"But there must be thousands of miles of beach and millions of starfish. How can your effort make any difference?"

The young man looked down at the small starfish in his hand and as he threw it to safety in the sea said, "It makes a difference to this one."

I've read this to my dad, my older sister, and my sister-in-law. They all smiled when I read the last sentence.

It's a short and simple story, yet magically holds a handful of meaningful messages. I take to heart the message that you just have to start with one - one step, one person, one action - to make a difference and that, afterall, really is the difference.

I wonder... what does the story mean to you?

Current blog views: 858
Current followers: 60

What Makes A Man

2011-07-08T04:16:00.036-10:00

The drawing below was made by a guy I know very well. When we were eleven years old, he confessed to me that he was gay. He trusted me - the only person he trusted at the time - and trusted that I wouldn't tell anyone unless he was ready to come out of the closet. As we entered college, he would tell me that he was still insecure with himself.

My friend believes that he's not the best at expressing himself - I agree - so he found an outlet for his insecurities: art. He drew this picture and I was surprised by his drawing ability. They say that when a person creates a piece of art, it is a self-portrait of themselves. In this case it is true. I see him when I look at this picture.

I made up a story to go with his drawing and I hope you enjoy it.

"What Makes A Man"
Colored pencils on paper
2009

The city was alive.
People were crossing sidewalks, driving fancy cars, and wearing expensive business suits as they rushed to work and other places.

A teenage guy sat there on the sidewalk, not in a rush like everyone else. He wanted everything to stay still for a moment as he thought silently to himself. What does it take to become a man? Who does he want to be and what path did he want to take in life?

The young fella was practically invisible to the crowd around him, but he was used to it. He knew the roles he played: the lone wolf that nobody understood, the underdog that people overlooked, the middle child that never gets the attention. Maybe all of this was true, but he didn't want these things to stop him from choosing who he wanted to become. After all, isn't life supposed to be about choices?

Outwardly, he kept himself poised. A warrior ready to take on the world. The idea of exposing his weaknesses to the world was not his idea of fun, so he kept them hidden. If you looked into his eyes, however, you would see a gentle sadness hidden there. Even his sister has told him, "When you smile, I still see sadness in your eyes."

The boy's sad eyes were caused by a constant inner struggle to become comfortable with his sexuality. For this reason, he didn't mind being invisible to people at that moment. At least they were oblivious to his insecurity of being a homosexual.

Slowly and surely, the boy finally stood up. He still wasn't sure where he was going, but he realized that staying still was no way to get anywhere. He took a step into the crowd and disappeared.

Now that you have read the story
you might have a few questions

You might be wondering,

"What ever happened to the guy in the story?"

I'll tell you if you just ask

but first keep reading.

Maybe you're wondering,

"Is this a true story?"

I'll gladly answer if you just ask
but first keep reading

Now you must be wondering,

"What is the purpose of this silly epilogue?"
I'll gladly give you the reason
but first keep reading

because I have to tell you something.

The guy who drew that picture has a blog and

his blog...

well...

It's right here.

Current total pageviews: 580

Current followers: 50

A Lighthearted Poem

2011-07-03T02:52:00.012-10:00

I decided to work part time as a math tutor at the University of Hawaii Manoa during the spring semester of 2011. Not only did helping others with math feel rewarding, I knew that it would prove useful in the future as a civil engineer major. This is a poem of what happened during work one day...

He walked into the tutor room gracefully

Almost as if he glided

I never heard his footsteps

Nor did I feel the vibration of the ground

No one took notice

No one looked up as he made his way to his seat

No one except me

I nervously walked over and asked if he needed help

He looked up at me with kind eyes and said yes

I planted myself into a seat next to him
With an eagerness that shouted my joy

Sharing my knowledge with him was delightful

I was the accomplished wizard

And he the bright apprentice

His natural charm was irresistible

And I was captivated by his spell

Every now and then
I would allow myself to gaze at him
His handsome smile was enough to light up the room

His voice was enough to keep someone warm on a cold night

His caring eyes were enough to make anyone feel special

As our time together came to an end

My hand softly touched his hand
And his hand embraced mines
Our last and final embrace

Before we parted ways

Promiscuous Me

2011-07-01T20:39:00.020-10:00

This is me.
Or maybe - I dare say - who I used to be.

Halloween 2010

I look at that picture and see the promiscuous guy I developed into a year and a half ago. I was a curious guy who wanted to have "experiences". In the beginning I was thrilled to have such experiences but as time dragged on, I began losing control. Sneaking out at night, skipping classes, and lying to my family about what I've been doing became common in my new found life. I had lost almost all respect for myself. "Having fun" was no longer fun.

Right now I find myself traveling backwards. Back to a place where I could once again feel like the bright, determined self that I was before I became promiscuous.

The Uneasy Feeling

2011-06-30T12:03:00.014-10:00

Back in high school, I was very insecure and awkward. Rough times. I spent a considerable amount of time worrying about my sexuality. It was a secret and I wanted it to remain that way. This is one of many experiences where I became terrified that my secret would be revealed.

"Hey kiddo! Come upstairs!"

Aunt Sue was eagerly inviting me upstairs to grab some food to eat. My extended family lived upstairs. I wasn't sure if they had suspicions about my sexuality. However, when you're trying so hard to conceal a secret, the paranoia begins to set in. Being upstairs made me feel uneasy.

I decided to not think so hard and go upstairs anyways. To be polite.

The food was on the dinner table where my grandpa, my cousin, Uncle D, and Aunt Sue were sitting. I grabbed a plate and proceeded to fill it with a myriad of food. I was hoping for a simple grab and go.

Then out of nowhere, Uncle D asked me a question.

"Do you want a girlfriend?"

"No."

My mistake.

"Do you want a boyfriend?"

I froze. I couldn't let them know that I was gay. I told myself to just stay calm. All eyes were on me.

"No."

I tried to look relaxed but I'm sure my hands were slightly shaking. I finished filling my plate with food before dashing away into the comfort of my living room.

Coming Out to My Dad

2011-06-26T10:19:00.043-10:00

I was a senior in high school when I came out to my dad.   It was a month before graduation and I felt that coming out would be a great way to start my post high school life. This took place about 4 years ago.

"How are you feeling dad?"

"I'm doing well. Don't worry about me."

My sister, younger brother, and I were visting my dad, who was recovering from surgery in the hospital.   By the looks of him - sitting up in bed, smiling, joking with us - it looked as if he would be good as new in no time. The three of us hanged out in his room for a bit and kept him company. It must get lonely in the hospital; I was glad to be there for him. After a while, my two siblings left to pick up my older brother. He had just finished work and he wanted to see dad too. I decided to stay back so that my dad wouldn't have to be alone.

Then it was just me and my dad.  Suddenly a thought came to me...

"This is the perfect time to tell my dad that I'm gay."
I wanted my dad to be the first to know.  Growing up, my dad was the reason I believed being gay was wrong. He was the hardest person to tell and I knew that if I could tell him then I could tell anyone.

My dad and I watched tv as we lightly conversed.  My hands were beginning to sweat as I silently thought about how to break the news to my dad. The minutes were wasting away and soon an hour had passed.  I was scared of telling him, because I knew he would be disappointed in me.
I was also scared of wasting this opportunity. If I was serious about telling my dad, I would have to do it soon because my siblings were going to return any minute now. Finally I said something.

"Hey Dad, if I had a problem, you would want me to tell you right?"
As soon as those words had escaped my mouth, I sensed he knew something wasn't right. That was the type of question that I have never asked my dad before. It was too personal. My eyes were beginning to water.

My dad said, "Of course. What is it?
I started crying.  Keeping this secret had been exhausting. I tried for so long to stop myself from being gay and I didn't feel like I could do it anymore.

"What's wrong?" My dad was genuinely concerned.

I said slowly, "I'm... I'm..."

And he knew.
I didn't have to say anything else.
He had figured it out.

I wanted him to hug me and tell me that it was alright, but he didn't do that. He began to lecture me about how homosexuality was a sin. Tears were silently streaming down my cheeks as I listened.

Afterwards, I stepped outside to wait for my siblings to return. Maybe my dad was right. Is being gay a sin? Am I flawed for being attracted to other guys? I didn't know the answers to these questions but I wished that I did.

Welcome Welcome Welcome!

2011-06-24T22:43:00.021-10:00

So here I am.

I've blogged a handful of times before and now I'm looking to settle down. This website looks awesome!

My goal: To become more comfortable with who I am.
There are a couple things that I feel insecure about, one of them being my sexuality. Admitting to myself that I'm gay has been a struggle I must admit.

Taking in the sunshine on a deserted beach

I'm usually the keep-to-himself guy but lately the idea of becoming more comfortable with who I am and opening myself to others has grown on me.

So here I am. Cheers : )