What Makes A Man (Chapter 3)

 What Makes A Man is an ongoing series about a young gay man and is based on personal real-life experiences.

Read.
What Makes A Man
What Makes A Man (Part 2)

Food was on his mind.

For this reason he was at the grocery store and waiting in line to pay for his lunch.  The young man's stomach was a bear and it was growling for food to satisfy its growing hunger.  He wished that the line would move faster.

Rumble.  His stomach was growling.

As the young man waited in line, his eyes and his mind wandered.

To his right there was a Caucasian man lifting up his little boy and placing him into the child seat of the grocery cart.  It was nothing particularly special and he didn't think much of it...

...until he saw an Asian man helping out.

Slowly he realized that the two men were together; that is to say, they were a couple.  He was sure of it.  They wore matching pink shirts and they were shopping together with their kid.

He had never witnessed a gay family out in public before.  He sees gay couples regularly in real life - in fact he would see two boys flirting shamelessly with each other that very same day - but not gay families.  For some reason, gay families are a rare sight to behold.

And what do you know?
It is a little funny how he had suddenly forgotten that he was hungry.

He was busy admiring their bravery, their courage.  Maybe someday he himself will have a husband and children.  Maybe.  It all feels impossible sometimes.  After all, it would take a lot of courage and faith to make those dreams come true and he just wasn't sure if he had it in him.  Finding his Prince Charming would be a huge accomplishment just by itself.

"Ready?" asked the cashier.

"Wha-... Oh.  Yes, I'm ready."

He paid for his food, took one last glance at the happy family, and left the grocery store. 

---

This happened on Thursday January 28, 2013.  I was on my way home from school and stopped by the grocery store to grab something to eat.

Current page views:  49,921
Current followers: 171

What Makes A Man (Part 2)

Before reading this post I suggest you read this previous post, What Makes A Man.

Read more about this picture here:
What Makes A Man



The city was once again alive.
People were crossing sidewalks, driving fancy cars, and wearing expensive business suits as they rushed to work and other places.

A young man was standing on the sidewalk, waiting for the bus to come.  On the road next to him, cars waited impatiently for red lights to turn green and roared with excitement when the lights finally did.  In the background somewhere, the young fella could faintly hear a love song playing.

The young man looked around and wondered where the music was coming from.  He looked at the line of cars in front of him and realized that the music was coming from a truck.  He peered into the truck and saw two masculine looking military men.  They were smiling and enjoying each other's company.  They looked as if they could be lovers, young and in love.

His imagination took over for a second and he began to see things...

The guy in the passenger seat leaned over and planted a light kiss on the cheek of the handsome driver, who in turn smiled and blushed from his lover's affection.  The passenger continued to lean over and whispered something in the driver's ear.  The confession of love caused the driver to smile once again.  The driver turned his head toward the passenger and their lips met...

Then reality set in.
The traffic light turned green and the truck roared with life and sped away. 

The young man would never know for sure, but he continued to harp on the thought of the two men being couple.  The idea of two men being in love with each other appealed to him, although, he would never tell anyone this.  He had always been the type to bottle his emotions and feelings inside.  Sometimes he wished that he would be more open about himself, his wishes, his dreams, his sexuality...

The bus came shortly afterwards.  The young man stepped onto the bus and made his way home.

---

Based on a true story.  

Current page views:  31,399

Current followers:  150

My Dad's Chicken Farm

This happened around November of last year.  There were periods of time during the school semester where I would be kept busy.  Sometimes I would leave early in the morning for school before the sunrise and then come home late from school, after the sun had already set and when it was dark.  This happened at the end of one of those days...

---

I was tired. 
My youthful energy had been replaced with exhaustion and my spirit felt diminished.  It was yet another day of me coming home late from school and it was already dark outside.

Awe, that's too bad, I thought.  I really wanted to see how the chicken house was doing.  My dad had always loved farming, hiking, fishing and outdoor activites of that sort and his newest project had been to build a chicken house.

"Did you finish the chicken house?" I wearily asked my dad.

"Yeah, you should see it..." 

My dad proceeded to describe how great the chicken house had turned out and how much the chickens enjoyed their new living area.  I was glad to know that it had turned out well; after all, I had helped my dad build the chicken farm.  My dad must have known how much I wanted to see it, because he was playfully rubbing it in my face.

I was slightly annoyed and decided to do something around the house and get my mind off of the chicken house.

---

Fifteen minutes later...

"Here's a flashlight.  Go check it out."

My dad handed me the flashlight.  I was surprised by how thoughtful my dad was being.  I stood up and I proceeded to the backyard to go look at the chicken house. 

My dad... sometimes I find him annoying and sometimes I love him. 
At this moment, it was the latter.




Current Page Views:  30,492
Current Followers:  145

The Sketch of Another Tree

I'm feeling the sleepiness setting in but I want to post this before going to bed. 

As a result, I am here on my laptop and drinking hot cocoa again (just like this). 
Mmmm.




I feel the same way as the yellow M&M.
But before I go to bed, here is the story of what happened...

 

I was surprised earlier when my mom told me that she's leaving in a few hours to fly to the Philippines.  She said she'll be there for thirty days.  I was a little taken back; I knew that she likes to go on vacations, but I had no clue that she would be leaving for one so soon.  I'm pretty sure she hasn't told anyone else in the family.

After she told me this, I helped her tape up the cardboard box that she'll be taking with her on her trip.  After we were done taping it up, she said she was going to go to bed and she left the living room.

I stared at the box. 

I was thinking about how I hope my mom has a safe trip and also about how plain the box looked.  I took a marker from my art supply box and began to make a sketch on her box.  I remembered how special the drawing from The Sketch of a Tree was to me so I drew a tree again.  It took me about three minutes to complete and I felt better afterwards.

Now my mom's box didn't look so plain. 

My younger brother walked into the living room a couple minutes later and saw the box.  He must have realized that mom was going on another one of her spontaneous vacations.  Then he saw the sketch.

"Did you draw that?"

I told him yes.

"I like it.  It's really nice."

I couldn't help but smile.  Not only was I ecstatic to suddenly not feel annoyed by him - as I had been for the whole day - but I had also been thinking the same thing. 

My mom's going to love seeing that sketch on her box.




The sketch I made on my mom's cardboard box.





Current blog views: 5567
Current followers: 112

A Memorable Graduation

At the end of my sophomore year in high school, I was inspired by a graduation speech made by a young lady.  She must have been one of the valedictorians.  I never cared much for the valedictorians speeches before, but this speech left me speechless.

I've never seen a graduation quite like this one.  I'll never forget it...

---



A picture I took that day
Friday June 3, 2005

---

My cousin Roel and I were enjoying the view as we sat on the stands at the school's outdoor stadium.

Thousands of family members and friends surrounded the handsomely green field on which the graduates were seated on.  In their hands, they held cameras, flower leis, posters, and colorful balloons... everything they needed to help celebrate this moment.

Beyond the green field and the school buildings, I could see the houses of the town and the mountains in the far distance.  I could even see the mountain where my dad would take me and my siblings hiking as kids.

Soothing melodies filled the air as the school band orchestrated the celebration music.  I thought about my younger brother, who was playing with them.  My cousin Roel and I wished that he was sitting next to us - the three of us called ourselves "The Three Musketeers" - but we also admired my younger brother's love for the band and his well-polished clarient.

Once in a while a balloon would escape its owner's hand and fly eagerly up towards the clouds.  I would point at it and the two of us would lightheartedly giggle at the balloon owner's misfortune.

The day was transforming into night as the sunset colors took over the sky.

I looked down at the high school graduates, who were organized neatly in rows.  They proudly wore magical-looking green robes and had exclusive graduation caps atop their heads.  They were young, brave soldiers uncertain about the future yet determined to step into it.

Four graduates stood up from their seats and headed over to the microphone stand; they must have been the valedictorians.   I noticed immediately that they were young woman; their gowns were shorter and they each had long hair and wore brightly white sandals. 

I have never cared much for valedictorian speeches but I payed attention anyways as they began to speak.  Humor filled the first girl's speech and I felt the crowd rumble with laughter.  Nervousness filled the second girl's speech and she became earthquake-shaky in her delivery.  The third girl took the stand and I anxiously waited to see how she would do. 

Would she be nervous, especially after hearing how nervous the second girl was?

The third girl began to speak and - whoa! - her voice instantly demanded the attention from everyone in the stadium.  Her words flowed into the crowd with a power that would make anyone stop and listen.  Her speech grabbed my attention, touched my heart, and took my breath away.  I looked my cousin in the eyes and smiled.  He smiled back at me.  He must have been thinking the same thing that I was thinking.

"Wow, she's amazing."

I listened carefully as the third girl concluded her speech.


Then I smiled and thought to myself...


"I'm proud of you sister."

---

My sister was one of the valedictorians at her high school graduation. 
I never cared much for the valedictorian speeches before but this one...

This one was special.  Now I always look forward to hearing the valedictorian speeches when I attend commencement ceremonies. 

I was so inspired by my sister that I drew this picture and gave it to her.  My dad helped me and used oil pastels to draw the mountains and the sunset.  I used the M&M characters as the graduates, because my sister's favorite candy is M&Ms. 

This is still one of my favorite drawings, because it always reminds me of that special day.

 

"M&M Graduation
Colored pencil and oil pastels on paper
June 2005

Current blog views: 5,183

Current followers: 109

A Secret Letter

This is a letter that I'm writing to my sister-in-law.  She doesn't know about it and I won't show it to her until many years have passed.  I'll show it to her one day when she needs a smile the most.



My lovely sister-in-law
Taken on the day me and my dad got into the fight
Before we even knew there would be a fight
June 17, 2007

Dear sister-in-law,

Do you remember when we first met?  I was a junior in high school.
I was so young, always learning, and imperfect as can be.

My younger brother and I had finished school for the day and my older brother was picking us up.  The car pulled up next to us and there you sat in the passenger seat. 

We giggled at the sight of you
Because it looked like you could barely fit.
Because we were cruel.
Because we were still so young and learning.

We tried to calm ourselves down - before you could notice - as we got into the car.  I had a bag of delicious cookies that I had been eating but I stopped eating them; the sight of your fat arms made me sick and I was ready to throw up.

This is when we first met.  Do you remember?

Then you moved in with us a couple weeks later.  I noticed that you were somewhat lazy and didn't help much around the house.  You constantly picked fights with my older brother when he didn't do things your way.  You also smoked cigarettes regularly even though you had asthma, diabetes, and morbid obesity.  I tried to look past your flaws, because I wanted to believe that you were more than what you appeared to be.  A year passed and I was still searching for something that would prove to the world that you're not such a bad person. 

Then the fight happened.  Do you remember?

It happened a couple weeks after I came out to my dad.  The three of us - me, you, and my dad - were headed home from the beach.  My dad was criticizing my driving skills and ettiquete.  He said I was a rude person.  I had no idea why he was so angry at me and I told him I was trying my best.  Out of nowhere he started yelling at me about how being gay is wrong.  I quickly realized that the real reason behind his anger was because he was upset about me being gay.  His anger continued to escalate and he hit me while I was driving.

Do you remember?  You said you were scared.  I was too.

We arrived home and my siblings saw the tears in my eyes. 
They were silent and let me have my peace. 

But you...

You became my hero that day when you came to my side.
You asked if I was okay and gave me comfort.

I have wholeheartedly forgiven my dad.
And I can forget about what he did that day.
But I will never forget about what you did that day.

It is one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me.

After that day we became very close friends and side-by-side we slowly learned to become better people from each other.  I've watched you morph into a more positive person.  You've become more warm and more kind to others.

You have helped me learn that I need to be more accepting of other people if I want them to be accepting of who I am.  I know people give you nasty looks for being overweight.  Do you remember when we were eating at Jack-In-The-Box and those people kept staring at you?  At times like those, I'll gladly be by your side to comfort you.

I can't wait to have our next chocolate milk party.

Sincerely, Justy





Another picture we took on that day
Damn that shave ice tasted good



p.s. The two of us enjoyed throwing what we call "chocolate milk parties".  They usually happened late at night when everyone else was sleeping.  The two of us would drink as much chocolate milk as we wanted.  We would bang our mugs together and toast and laugh about how silly we were being.  Sometimes we would have cookies too.

She's in Texas right now with my older brother (he's stationed there for the army) so we haven't had a chocolate milk party in a while.  It's been about four months since I've seen her.

Current pageviews: 4108

Current followers: 97

The Sketch of a Tree

I was about to go to sleep, but something just happened that made me smile. 
As a result, I am here on my laptop writing about it 
and drinking hot cocoa with marshmallows.  Mmmm.

I really want to post this before going to bed.
Here's what happened...


Earlier yesterday I saw my younger brother's white board lying around.  Written on it were a couple of words that nearly took up all the space.  I saw - however - that there was just enough space in the upper right-hand corner for me to make a quick sketch.  In less than two minutes I had sketched a tree. 

I stared at it for a while.  "Not bad for a sketch," I thought to myself.  I left the white board lying around and forgot all about it.

Throughout the rest of the day, my younger brother dished out a couple mildly-mean remarks at me.  He does that sometimes.  Apparently I'm a fat person, lazy and ugly, etc.  Maybe he just enjoys kidding around and means nothing by his criticisms, but it is difficult to tell sometimes.  It bothers me, because I want him to look up to me, not look down on me. 

I was just about to go to sleep when I saw the white board next to my younger brother's bed.  He had erased everything on it...

Except for my sketch.

A smile spread across my face when I saw that.  I quickly found my camera and snapped a picture of it.  This sketch is worth remembering.

Maybe my little brother looks up to me after all.



The little sketch I made on my younger brother's white board.

 
Current blog views: 1881
Current followers: 85

The Giant Wave

My dad is a veteran fisherman and enjoys going on day-long fishing trips to his favorite beaches.  When me and my siblings were kids - I have an older brother, an older sister, and a younger brother - he would often bring us along.   These fishing trips were simply fun.  No stress involved.  Just pack a cooler full of snacks and drinks and we were good to go.  This is the story of what happened at the beach one day...


Our troubles were melting away.

My dad was leisurely fishing on the beach as us kids played to our hearts' content.  The four of us ran lightly through the sand, carefree and wild with jubilation.  We had conquered the deserted stretch of beach and we ruled the land. 

The waves were particularly strong on this day.  They roared and taunted us, daring us to get a little wet and a little messy.  We graciously accepted the challenge and began to build a wall of sand near the water's edge.  Our wish was to shut out the waves, hold them hostage in the sea, and prevent them from reaching beyond our barricade.

The waves, however, were enraged by our intentions and refused to be held by prison walls. They began to unleash unforgiving power on to our wall.  The water boiled in the ocean, shot like fireballs onto the shore, and hurdled into our blockade.  We felt the ground shaking beneath our feet.  I used to be scared of the waters at times like these; they looked ready to eat me alive.

The four of us became comrades in this battle against the sea.  We frantically assembled a much-needed defense.  My older brother and I vigorously threw sand into heaping piles.  My sister and younger brother swiftly patted down the sand and shaped the blockade into a solid, shielding C-shape.  We had to hurry; the tide was quickly rising.

The waves had rapidly evolved into ghastly, terrorizing monsters.  They lurked in the sea before rushing forward to swallow our wall.  The waves devoured chunks at a time and greedily came back to gobble more.  The blockade was hopelessly falling victim to the brutality.

My siblings and I were struggling to keep the wall up. 

Out of the corner of my eye I saw my dad walking toward us, carrying his fishing gear and smiling.  I thought he would laugh at us and keep walking in search of fish.  Suddenly - to our shock and delight! - my dad abandoned his fishing gear, ran over, and started to help us build the wall. 

A smile spread across my face.

The five of us did our best to keep the wall up, but eventually a giant wave came and demolished the whole thing.  Our clothes were soaked with water and covered with sand.  The battle had been fun and entertaining though and we laughed like hyenas afterwards.  The five of us had lost the fight, but we had each other and that was all that seemed to matter in the world.

"C'mon guys!  Let's go home," my dad said with a smile.
Together we headed home as the sleepy sun began to set.

Current blog views: 1331
Current followers: 71

A Lighthearted Poem

I decided to work part time as a math tutor at the University of Hawaii Manoa during the spring semester of 2011.  Not only did helping others with math feel rewarding, I knew that it would prove useful in the future as a civil engineer major.  This is a poem of what happened during work one day...

He walked into the tutor room gracefully

Almost as if he glided

I never heard his footsteps

Nor did I feel the vibration of the ground

No one took notice

No one looked up as he made his way to his seat

No one except me

I nervously walked over and asked if he needed help

He looked up at me with kind eyes and said yes

I planted myself into a seat next to him
With an eagerness that shouted my joy

Sharing my knowledge with him was delightful

I was the accomplished wizard

And he the bright apprentice

His natural charm was irresistible

And I was captivated by his spell

Every now and then
I would allow myself to gaze at him
His handsome smile was enough to light up the room

His voice was enough to keep someone warm on a cold night

His caring eyes were enough to make anyone feel special

As our time together came to an end

My hand softly touched his hand
And his hand embraced mines
Our last and final embrace

Before we parted ways

The Uneasy Feeling

Back in high school, I was very insecure and awkward.  Rough times.  I spent a considerable amount of time worrying about my sexuality.  It was a secret and I wanted it to remain that way.  This is one of many experiences where I became terrified that my secret would be revealed.  

"Hey kiddo!  Come upstairs!"

Aunt Sue was eagerly inviting me upstairs to grab some food to eat.  My extended family lived upstairs.  I wasn't sure if they had suspicions about my sexuality.  However, when you're trying so hard to conceal a secret, the paranoia begins to set in.  Being upstairs made me feel uneasy. 

I decided to not think so hard and go upstairs anyways.  To be polite.

The food was on the dinner table where my grandpa, my cousin, Uncle D, and Aunt Sue were sitting.  I grabbed a plate and proceeded to fill it with a myriad of food.  I was hoping for a simple grab and go. 

Then out of nowhere, Uncle D asked me a question.

"Do you want a girlfriend?"

"No." 

My mistake.

"Do you want a boyfriend?"

I froze.  I couldn't let them know that I was gay.  I told myself to just stay calm.  All eyes were on me. 

"No."

I tried to look relaxed but I'm sure my hands were slightly shaking.  I finished filling my plate with food before dashing away into the comfort of my living room.