Friday, July 29, 2011

A Secret Letter

This is a letter that I'm writing to my sister-in-law.  She doesn't know about it and I won't show it to her until many years have passed.  I'll show it to her one day when she needs a smile the most.


My lovely sister-in-law
Taken on the day me and my dad got into the fight
Before we even knew there would be a fight
June 17, 2007


Dear sister-in-law,

Do you remember when we first met?  I was a junior in high school.
I was so young, always learning, and imperfect as can be.

My younger brother and I had finished school for the day and my older brother was picking us up.  The car pulled up next to us and there you sat in the passenger seat. 

We giggled at the sight of you
Because it looked like you could barely fit.
Because we were cruel.
Because we were still so young and learning.

We tried to calm ourselves down - before you could notice - as we got into the car.  I had a bag of delicious cookies that I had been eating but I stopped eating them; the sight of your fat arms made me sick and I was ready to throw up.

This is when we first met.  Do you remember?

Then you moved in with us a couple weeks later.  I noticed that you were somewhat lazy and didn't help much around the house.  You constantly picked fights with my older brother when he didn't do things your way.  You also smoked cigarettes regularly even though you had asthma, diabetes, and morbid obesity.  I tried to look past your flaws, because I wanted to believe that you were more than what you appeared to be.  A year passed and I was still searching for something that would prove to the world that you're not such a bad person. 

Then the fight happened.  Do you remember?

It happened a couple weeks after I came out to my dad.  The three of us - me, you, and my dad - were headed home from the beach.  My dad was criticizing my driving skills and ettiquete.  He said I was a rude person.  I had no idea why he was so angry at me and I told him I was trying my best.  Out of nowhere he started yelling at me about how being gay is wrong.  I quickly realized that the real reason behind his anger was because he was upset about me being gay.  His anger continued to escalate and he hit me while I was driving.

Do you remember?  You said you were scared.  I was too.

We arrived home and my siblings saw the tears in my eyes. 
They were silent and let me have my peace. 

But you...

You became my hero that day when you came to my side.
You asked if I was okay and gave me comfort.

I have wholeheartedly forgiven my dad.
And I can forget about what he did that day.
But I will never forget about what you did that day.

It is one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me.

After that day we became very close friends and side-by-side we slowly learned to become better people from each other.  I've watched you morph into a more positive person.  You've become more warm and more kind to others.

You have helped me learn that I need to be more accepting of other people if I want them to be accepting of who I am.  I know people give you nasty looks for being overweight.  Do you remember when we were eating at Jack-In-The-Box and those people kept staring at you?  At times like those, I'll gladly be by your side to comfort you.

I can't wait to have our next chocolate milk party.

Sincerely, Justy


Another picture we took on that day
Damn that shave ice tasted good


p.s. The two of us enjoyed throwing what we call "chocolate milk parties".  They usually happened late at night when everyone else was sleeping.  The two of us would drink as much chocolate milk as we wanted.  We would bang our mugs together and toast and laugh about how silly we were being.  Sometimes we would have cookies too.

She's in Texas right now with my older brother (he's stationed there for the army) so we haven't had a chocolate milk party in a while.  It's been about four months since I've seen her.


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30 comments:

erwin said...

ang sweet naman...

Jj Rodriguez said...

You are so sweet, although, I was a little unsure of how the first impression was told, LOL!

A relationship is always two way. And more thanaccepting the good you must be more ready and open in accepting the flaws. In that way, that you could both have a wonderful feelingof each other...

Over all.. Scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest, I gave it 9.5!...

JJROd'z

David Allen Waters said...

life and relationships are a constant process...we travel along AND HOPEFULLY GROW AS WE GO...you and your sister in law seem to have realized that and are traveling side by side, learning and growing, and that is a perfect place to be my friend.

Bravo to you for your bravery and compasion :)

Rock on

CoreyJo said...

Beautiful...Everyone needs someone, and it's nice to know you both have each other.

Troy said...

I love it when we learn things that show us how beautiful life is. It sounds like you learned one of life's greatest lessons--that when it's all said and done, one of the few things that truly matters in life is the kind of relationship we had with those people in our lives. :-)

the island guy said...

Oh, yummy comments hehe

@ Erwin
Why thank you Erwin :)

@ Jj Rodriguez
I read your comment and went back to change how I told my first impression of my sister-in-law. It's difficult. I wanted to tell the truth about how I felt at that moment without sounding like the biggest jerk in the world.
I wonder what it takes to get a 10 haha

@ David Allen Waters
I will definatelly rock on!
Rock on too David.

@ CoreyJo
Yeah, I'm glad she married my older brother and became my sister-in-law. Now she's stuck with me too haha

@ Troy
Wise words
I really love your comment

Jay M. said...

Just goes to prove that a person's own vices and physical appearance are not necessarily a person's personality.

You're a truly compassionate person to remember this experience and build a new relationship on it. I think you will be repaid many times over.

Peace <3
Jay

R. Burnett Baker said...

This gave me pause, and I was choked up at the end. Learning to see the person beyond the skin, beyond the obvious is probably one of the most difficult lessons we should learn in life's journey. And probably the most profound.

A loving, caring letter...

Rick

Tristan Tan said...

I love you for this post.

lladybugg said...

I'm refreshed by your honesty, although I have to say it was startling at first. I am glad that you and your sister-in-law have been able to grow in your relationship and in life the way you have.

It was a rough way to learn such lessons, but it seemed to work for the two of you. :)

She is beautiful by the way, and will no doubt love this letter when you finally show it to her.

Kristi

^travis said...

do you know why your blog rocks?

because it is sincere and HONEST.

the shave ice photo did distract me more. yum. lol.

Craig said...

A lovely letter. And a timely reminder that we shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. Thanks

Tantan Decena said...

"I'll show it to her one day when she needs a smile the most."

An understatement. She'll love that! :))

aryan said...

So sweet, this got my eye teary. "I need to be more accepting of other people if I want them to be accepting of who I am." -- i like it.

Pat said...

Sad and sweet all mixed up in one.

the island guy said...

@ Jay M.
I love your comments Jay. I try to be compassionate, not always successful, but I will never stop trying.

@ R. Burnett Baker
"I was choked up at the end"
Awe, hopefully you have more smiles than tears.

@ Tristan Tan
And I love you too... for commenting this post :)

@ lladybugg
"it was startling at first"
Yes, I was disgusted by her fat arms when I first met her. It's the ugly truth. I was young, immature, and I've never really been that close to someone who weighed as much as her (she weighed at least 350 pounds). I just couldn't force those cookies down after seeing how big her arms were. My sister-in-law and I have talked about it many times and I tell her I'm sorry everytime we talk about it.

@ ^travis
Now I want to go eat some shave ice. That's one of my favorite pictures... I use it as the wallpaper of my laptop haha

@ Craig
You're welcome Craig :)

@ Tantan Decena
I hope you're right. That would be awesome.

@ aryan
"this got my eye teary"
Awe... but I bet you were smiling at the same time so it must be happy tears LOL

@ Pat
Thanks for coming back to comment Pat. I had no idea people would get sad from this post. I thought people would get pissed off at me for not being able to eat those cookies. I'm glad you found it touching.

Denise said...

Hi Justy, first time to your blog and after reading this post I was really impressed with what a very nice guy you are. You and your sister-in-law have a closeness and friendship that many would envy.

Maggie said...

Very sweet! Just goes to show!

That shaved ice does look good.

Nate said...

@justy: aww... ultra sweet!! :)

Adrienne said...

At first I was like... HEH?? Where is he going with this!? And then further reading it made sense. And I am sure the two of you may have talked about your first impression of her together. It's sweet, and I hope the best for her. And you too!

That fight with your dad must have been scary. I can't believe he hit you... while you were driving. I don't know what I would do. I am sorry that happened to you. :/

I hope you have a great day though!
Stopping by from FTLOB. :)
Happy Sunday.

Belly B said...

That was inspiring to say the least. I could really feel how your relationship changed as it evolved :) It must be really hard to come out to your dad, but I'm glad that you stayed true to yourself and came out braver and stronger :)

Belly B :)

JC said...

this is indeed very touching and sweet. :)

David Dust said...

This was beautiful. But don't wait too long to share it with your beautiful (inside AND out) Sister-In-Law. We never know what may happen, and this is too special not to share.

XOXOXO

Also, thank you for all the recent comments on my blog - I really appreciate it. To show my gratitude, I've added you to my "Dust Bunny Blogroll".

:)

the island guy said...

@ Denise
Hey I'm glad you found my blog Denise. I wouldn't say I'm the nicest guy in the world but I try to be the nicest guy on the block LOL

@ Maggie
Trust me, that shave is awesomely-delicious!

@ Nate
Thanks Nate ^^

@ Adrienne
I know, I know... I seem like such a jerk in the beginning of the letter. I felt like I needed to be honest though and it's easy for me to admit my faults now that I have come to see the errors of my old ways.

@ Belly B
"I'm glad that you stayed true to yourself"
I'm glad I decided to tell my dad too... he was the first one in my family to find out

@ JC
sweeter than cupcakes :)

@ David Dust
"this is too special not to share"
I'll make sure to tell her even if I have to do it sooner than planned. And she really does look beautiful in that picture doesn't she? That's one of my favorite photos of her. She likes that photo too.

XOXO Justy

D@vid said...

Wow... honest and raw :)

*^_^* said...

Beautiful! Awesome!

savante said...

Sweetest thing ever. I bet your sis-in-law is quite as proud of you as well :)

Nubian said...

Love.

jim said...

That was a really nice story.

Leo said...

This is one of the most beautiful things I've read in recent times!