I was a senior in high school when I came out to my dad. It was a month before graduation and I felt that coming out would be a great way to start my post high school life. This took place about 4 years ago.
"How are you feeling dad?"
"I'm doing well. Don't worry about me."
My sister, younger brother, and I were visting my dad, who was recovering from surgery in the hospital. By the looks of him - sitting up in bed, smiling, joking with us - it looked as if he would be good as new in no time. The three of us hanged out in his room for a bit and kept him company. It must get lonely in the hospital; I was glad to be there for him. After a while, my two siblings left to pick up my older brother. He had just finished work and he wanted to see dad too. I decided to stay back so that my dad wouldn't have to be alone.
Then it was just me and my dad. Suddenly a thought came to me... This would be the perfect time to tell my dad that I'm gay. I wanted my dad to be the first to know. I felt that if I could tell him that I was gay then I could tell anyone. This was going to be a challenge.
My dad and I watched TV as we lightly conversed. My hands were beginning to sweat as I silently thought about how to break the news to my dad. The minutes were wasting away and soon an hour had passed. I was scared of telling him, because I knew he would be disappointed at the news.
I was also scared of wasting this opportunity. If I was serious about telling my dad, I would have to do it soon because my siblings were going to return any minute now. Finally I said something.
"Hey dad, if I had a problem, you would want me to tell you right?"
As soon as those words had escaped my mouth, he knew something wasn't right. I had never asked my dad that question before. It felt all too personal and my eyes began to tear up.
My dad replied, "Of course. What is it?"
I started crying.
"What's wrong?" My dad was now genuinely concerned.
I said slowly, "I'm... I'm..."
And he knew.
I didn't have to say anything else.
He had figured it out.
I wanted him to hug me and tell me that it was alright, but he didn't do that. He began to lecture me about how homosexuality was a sin. Tears were silently streaming down my cheeks as I listened.
Afterwards, I stepped outside to wait for my siblings to return. Thoughts were racing through my head. Maybe my dad was right. Is being gay a sin? Am I flawed for being attracted to other guys? I didn't know the answers to these questions but I wished that I did.