Thursday, June 30, 2011

The Uneasy Feeling

Back in high school, I was very insecure and awkward.  Rough times.  I spent a considerable amount of time worrying about my sexuality.  It was a secret and I wanted it to remain that way.  This is one of many experiences where I became terrified that my secret would be revealed.  

"Hey kiddo!  Come upstairs!"

Aunt Sue was eagerly inviting me upstairs to grab some food to eat.  My extended family lived upstairs.  I wasn't sure if they had suspicions about my sexuality.  However, when you're trying so hard to conceal a secret, the paranoia begins to set in.  Being upstairs made me feel uneasy. 

I decided to not think so hard and go upstairs anyways.  To be polite.

The food was on the dinner table where my grandpa, my cousin, Uncle D, and Aunt Sue were sitting.  I grabbed a plate and proceeded to fill it with a myriad of food.  I was hoping for a simple grab and go. 

Then out of nowhere, Uncle D asked me a question.

"Do you want a girlfriend?"

"No." 

My mistake.

"Do you want a boyfriend?"

I froze.  I couldn't let them know that I was gay.  I told myself to just stay calm.  All eyes were on me. 

"No."

I tried to look relaxed but I'm sure my hands were slightly shaking.  I finished filling my plate with food before dashing away into the comfort of my living room.

9 comments:

Funfotoguy said...

Very nice work here. Thanks for visiting my blog buddy!

xoxo

Funfotoguy

the.island.guy said...

Thanks and no prob!
Always looking foward to seeing what pic you'll post next

Sean said...

wonder why they need to ask. i was also paranoid like you. well, i still am haha.

the.island.guy said...

@ Sean

I should've mentioned in my blog that my Uncle D is a blunt, bold man. A tells-it-like-it-is guy. I think he was half drunk too! LOL

Jay M. said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog! I'll add yours to my blogroll so I can keep up. Welcome to the blogworld, hope you find it as enlivening as I have!

Peace <3
Jay

jayinva.blogspot.com

the.island.guy said...

Thanks and yes, I am finding it enlivening
in every sense of the word

Phunk Factor said...

it's a generally very very VERY harmless question...bt fr ppl like us, it tends to shake us up real good!

the island guy said...

@ Phunk Factor
Yep, I was pretty upset after it happened

Maggie said...

Aw, I'm so sorry you were uneasy and upset about that. I have a friend who, today, is going to tell his family he's gay. He's really nervous, but I hope he goes through with it. No need to hide from yourself, really.
Uncomfortable situations suck. (That's obvious.)